Stream of consciousness writing is probably better done while in the throes of mescaline, but it is hard to find, causes heart attacks, and I have no money anyway. Of course all that applied to the latter, and nor does the chemical resilience to withstand a Beat level of snuff exist. (At least, not anymore.)
A cup of rosehip tea will do just fine.
What this means, is, there’ll be a smattering of posts in between the normal pop-culture bits and bobs that are a bit more personal, as indicated by the title Stream of Consciousness Test. Hope you don’t mind. I’d really appreciate some comments on these too. They will all be merely experiements in themselves- testing out themes and writing styles, syntax, fields of reference and a bunch of characters which could one day find themselves in a novel. Could. But you might also think it’s total crap. And hey, ’tis the way of the world.
Oh, also, if you’re in any way Jungian or Camusian (?), please don’t tell about the ins and outs of my psyche!
So here’s test 1.
Stream of Consciousness TEST 1
by J McC.
WHEN SHE SAID, “It’ll save you from jumping in with both feet”, I knew that she was wrong and that I wanted to. Don’t ask me how I knew she was wrong. Usually, she’ll put a rather common but particular clump of words together, throw them my way, and they’ll make sense. Funny how only a few people in your life actually possess that skill without coming off as cheap or inauthentic y’know. But this made sense upside down, she made sense upside down. Something doctors often talk about, upside down, everything finally coming together and the waves before contractions before birthing. Similar, although not quite. It’s upside down; more like the feeling of something falling from a cliff edge, right inside your own gut, as if a rock flip-dived into your solar plexus and suddenly everything feels warm and dangerous and new. It felt exactly the same fear. I wanted to run and start over.
When he shouted at me “He was never there for you” I knew he was wrong and that I wanted to. I knew I was right because, in broad daylight, when I’d finally let go of the falling red curtains and doubt to give me an answer I said yes yes yes with a lighter heart and I opened my eyes and saw that every single light tonight glowed in the same way through squinted eyes, burning through it all.